When it comes to our mental health and recovery journeys, many of the transitions we make in our lives are positive changes: incorporating mindfulness practices into daily living; choosing sobriety from alcohol or other drugs; building a better communal support system for ourselves; making therapeutic counseling a regular part of our schedules. But, a piece of transition that nobody warns us about is the initial grief, despite the positivity of these changes.
It seems counterintuitive at first! With positive life transitions, we feel so much excitement, hope, and eagerness to take the next steps. But these transitions are only so because we are transitioning away from something else: away from unhealthy coping; away from the escape of a substance; away from self-imposed isolation; away from the fear of being vulnerable. Although stepping away from these is incredibly positive, it still qualifies as a loss of sorts, and our brains and bodies will process these losses whether we want to or not. This grief can be surprisingly difficult, even leading to backward steps if we aren’t careful.
It’s important that we acknowledge the grief of these losses. True, whole-life transition takes exceptional courage, and experiencing grief certainly doesn’t make it any easier. To be clear, acknowledgement is not the same as glorification. Telling ourselves inflated narratives about what we’re transitioning away from is not productive.
Instead, acknowledgement is the act of simply seeing and waving goodbye: I see that unhealthy coping that I did not know was doing more harm than good, and I wave goodbye; I see that drink or drug that was merely causing more problems than solving them, and I wave goodbye; I see those lonely nights and the perceived comfort of hiding from people, and I wave goodbye; I see those self-help mechanisms that weren’t as helpful as I’d hoped, and I wave goodbye.
By acknowledging the grief, we can actually remove some of the surprisingly brute force of experiencing it. It can be a part of healthy preparation for the next improvement you are transitioning into. Better yet, this acknowledgement also serves as an opportunity to reflect on how far you have come, and how much you have grown as a person during this season of transition!
What transitions are you facing right now? How are you feeling about it?
A great exercise to help you process your feelings and plan for your transition steps more effectively is to use the Bridges Change Model as a journaling tool. Divide your paper into 3 columns, labeled left to right: “Endings”, “Neutral”, and “New Beginnings”. Then, think about the transitions in your life and analyze them based upon these three columns. What’s ending that you’re letting go of or losing? What’s happening in the meantime? What new adventures or activities are you embarking on? As you journal, you’ll find the clarity and courage you need to keep going.
