We’ve all gotten that text before… “Hey, I really need to talk to someone right now.” Then, your heart beat speeds up a bit as your mind races in anticipation of whatever your loved one needs to talk about.
It could be your friend asking you for advice on a problem they’re having with their significant other. It could be your kid finally opening up about their feelings of anxiety or depression. It could be your colleague sharing with you that they feel like they are drinking too much and it might be affecting their work.
It’s safe to say, statistically speaking, that most of you reading this article are not licensed therapists or counselors of some sort. So, if you’re anything like me, these types of conversations can be rather stressful on the receiving end. What do you say to your loved one? How can you truly be more of a help to them than a harm?
Here are three easy things you can do to help your loved one who is struggling:
1) Be Present – The most important element of showing your loved one that you are present with them is true physical presence! If possible, don’t have the conversation only over the phone or via text. Put the phones away and get into each other’s real-life space, face-to-face. Meet at a coffee shop or have dinner together at one or the other’s home. Human beings are hard-wired to need physical community and relationship, so being present with your loved one will help them feel more open and calm on a brain-deep level.
2) Listen – To be clear, I mean really listen. Listening is more than just hearing. “Active listening” includes appropriate eye contact, open body language, affirmations, follow-up questions or comments, and even silence. Remember, you are not a counselor, and you are also not in your loved one’s head. So, you do NOT have to have all of the answers! The feeling of being listened to can be healing for someone who is in a heightened emotional state.
3) Refer – This may be the most important recommendation of all. As we have established multiple times now, you should not pretend to be a therapist. If your loved one is sharing things related to their mental health, a relational crisis, an addiction, or some other life difficulty, it is vital that you refer them to trustworthy professional help. There are multiple mental health and addiction care providers in Hendricks County who are ready to help in these situations. Your referral to your loved one may be the key to removing the shame and stigma that they may have associated with the need for professional assistance.
The next time you receive that text, don’t just deflect it. Don’t crack a joke or try to change the subject because you don’t know what the right answer is. Instead, just be present with your loved one, listen to them share about their problem, and refer them to a higher level of care if needed. These three suggestions are tried and true ways of helping your struggling loved one!
Additionally, I encourage you to consider participating in a free or low-cost training to dive a bit deeper into what you can do to help, such as Mental Health First Aid, offered locally by multiple organizations such as Mental Health America, National Alliance on Mental Illness, and the Wellness Council of Indiana. Another great training, catered more specifically to preventing suicide attempts, is “QPR: Question, Persuade, Refer” – also offered by these same three agencies and many more in our area.
