As Halloween approaches, I find myself reminiscing about all of the silly costumes I have worn throughout my childhood (and adulthood, let’s be honest). One year, I was Frankenstein’s Monster, which required about an hour of makeup prep time to turn my skin ghoulish green. Another year, I was a ninja turtle with three of my best friends.
My favorite costume by far, however, was dressing up as an alien in 6th grade. I had recently watched the classic Spielberg film, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, as well as the modern M. Night Shyamalan masterpiece, Signs – so aliens were top of the mind for me. My mom took me to Goodwill to check out what secondhand costume items could be found, and we stumbled upon the perfect glow-in-the-dark alien mask, big eyes and all. My costume was complete with an all-black sweatsuit and hooded cape. When I put that mask on for trick-or-treating, nobody knew it was me under there. I was protected from the outside, and was seen by others as even a little bit scary. I felt out-of-this-world and invincible!
The masks we put on as adults are similar, aren’t they? We put on the mask of defensiveness to protect our insecurity. We put on the mask of apathy to avoid being seen as caring too much. We put on the mask of humor to prevent any need express vulnerable feelings. We put on the mask of toughness so that do not come across as weak.
We put on masks so that nobody can see the real “us” underneath.
Are you aware of your own masks? It can be difficult to see what masks you put on without a mirror – someone or something to reflect back to you how you are acting, what you are saying, or which emotions are really dominating your output in a relationship. Perhaps your mirror is your partner or significant other, especially during conflict when they tell you the truth about how you are making them feel in that moment. Maybe your mirror is your kids, especially when they misbehave in ways they have learned directly from you. Your mirror could even be a friend or a colleague who sent that sheepish text message asking if you are okay, because something seems different with you this week.
We cannot always anticipate what it’s like to be on the receiving end of ourselves. Furthermore, we cannot always decipher the “real” us underneath however we are behaving. Whoever these mirrors are for you, they are doing us a tremendous favor when they express these truths to us, even if it’s tense or painful, because they are showing us the masks we are putting on. Without their help, we may never access the deeper, truer us beneath the masks.
So, I recommend you listen. Listen to your mirrors this week. When things are getting weird or going wrong, take a moment to pause and reflect before you respond. Try to avoid reacting when you feel defensive. Lean into those feelings of care. Take the risk of being vulnerable for once. Soften those tough walls you may have built up. Let your mirrors reveal your masks, and then work toward taking those masks off when it matters most to be the real you.
-Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director
