Leadership expert John C. Maxwell published a book in 2007 titled “Failing Forward.” Throughout the book, Maxwell shares bits of truth and wisdom about this concept as it applies to our lives. When I was first introduced to it in the early stages of my career, it was a game-changer for me.
For most of my life, I’ve been described as a “hard-worker” and a “high-achiever.” My ambition to do and be my best has often gotten caught up in a not-so-subtle perfectionism in which I am not allowed to fail. Despite my best attempts at perfection and goal-achievement, I still totally mess things up from time to time. These failures have, in the past, lead to bouts of depression and anxiety. Can you relate?
Maxwell writes near the beginning of the book, “Recognize that you will spend much of your life making mistakes. If you can take action and keep making mistakes, you gain experience.” Initially, I found this hard to swallow. Of course, I’ve had my share of life-lessons from the biggies, but the little day to day mistakes were what really set my mind spinning. Therein lies my problem! For much of my life, I’d been failing backwards. I saw every hiccup as a setback; and furthermore, it was a negative tick against my whole identity as someone “who always does a good job.”
If you’re anything like me, you may be wondering how to even begin to apply the concept of failing forward in your life. It requires a bit of an internal attitude shift, but it’s more than that. Here are three ways to start failing forward, especially as it applies to your mental health or recovery journey, featuring wisdom from Maxwell.
1) Reframe failures as steps in progress. In the book, Maxwell writes, “If you’re not failing, you’re probably not really moving forward.” Failure is no longer a paralyzing setback. Instead, it’s a sign of moving forward. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but in the grand scheme of things, the old adage of two-steps-forward-one-step-back actually holds a lot of truth.
2) Identify your core fears, and process them healthfully. In the book, Maxwell writes, “Risk must be evaluated not by the fear it generates in you or the probability of your success, but by the value of the goal.” Maybe you are afraid of losing friends when you get sober. Perhaps you’re afraid of being seen as weak if you ask for time off to see a counselor. Is your long-term recovery or your long-term wellness valuable enough to you to take that risk? Consider writing these fears down, and then writing an encouragement next to them (even if it doesn’t feel true or believable yet).
3) Do the next right thing. Perhaps you just took a drink in a moment of extreme stress, heartache, or pressure after three years sober. Or maybe you finally reached your breaking point at work and yelled at a colleague in front of everybody. Whatever the failure is, what happens next? Instead of wallowing in self-pity, doubling down on a poor decision, or giving up, do the next right thing. Call your sponsor and get to a meeting. Apologize to the colleague and the team, make amends. Oftentimes, it’s our response to these perceived failures that say more about our character than the unfortunate moments do.
Failing forward can change your life, boosting your confidence and motivation in your recovery and wellness journey. But, it should never be attempted alone. Failing forward requires support, which The Willow Center is ready to offer. If you or someone you know needs support, please call us today at 317-852-3690.
Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director at The Willow Center
