Whenever I think about the concept of increasing my feelings of contentment in my life, my mind runs to the first two (of four) truths of Buddhism: 1) “Everyone is suffering in some way.” 2) “The root of suffering is desire.” There is so much wisdom in these two truths. The first invites me to stay humble and empathetic toward those around me. The second invites me to reflect on what it is I really desire, and how that desire affects me.
Desire itself is neither all good nor all bad. It just is. Desire is a fact of human nature, of being alive. We desire food when we are hungry. We desire water when we are thirsty. We desire a coat when the wind is cold. We desire companionship when we are lonely. We desire that our kids are well-taken care of and have a healthy future. We desire our favorite sports team to win the big game.
In my case, I also really desire that beautiful new Gretsch Electromatic Hollow-Body electric guitar to add to my…collection of musical instruments. Again, desire is not all good or all bad. However, desire does significantly influence our thoughts, attitudes, perceptions, and actions. Getting this guitar, for example, has become somewhat consuming for me in all four categories!
Some desires, though, do indeed cause us to feel a sense of suffering, to Buddha’s point. For example, we desire to get sober and stop drinking or using, but the addictive substance just keeps showing back up in our life no matter how hard we try. We desire to find a partner, but keep striking out on the dating apps. We desire to just get through a day without feeling so anxious and on edge that we end up yelling at our kid(s). We desire that much-overdo raise at work, but another year comes and goes without it. Suffering indeed!
In my opinion, contentment is not necessarily the absence of all desire. Instead, I believe contentment is about reflecting on which desires are connected to meeting a need, and which desires are not (and may arguably be a bit less important). Being content is about “accepting what is” with open arms, but not to the neglect of our own health and wellness, or at the expense of the health and wellness of those around us.
As we kick of the holiday season this week, I challenge you to spend a moment reflecting on your desires. Journal about them for a few minutes, and try to tease out which ones may be wiser to put on the back burner for yours and everyone else’s good, and which ones to make a higher priority in your life for the same. If you or someone you know needs support this holiday season, The Willow Center is here for you.
-Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director
