Most of us have a tendency to oversimplify the myriad of emotions we feel throughout the day into four categories: happy, sad, “meh”, and mad. When asked by a colleague how we’re doing, we often reply, “I’m fine, how are you?”. But that “fine” could mean any of these four things, let alone some other complex feelings below the surface.
Perhaps this oversimplification has to do with the fact that we don’t really like dealing with our emotions, especially the unpleasant ones. Avoidance can cause internal confusion. According to social work researcher, author, and speaker Brené Brown, there are actually over 87 different emotions and experiences of feelings that define the complexity of being a human. She outlines and defines these emotions and experiences thoroughly in her book, “Atlas of the Heart”, which I am currently reading with a good friend of mine. I hadn’t even heard of some of these words before, so it’s no wonder that I’ve confused one emotion for another in multiple contexts.
Perhaps the most confused emotions of all are Fear, Worry, and Anxiety. Physically, they all feel quite similar in our bodies as we experience them; however, they have some definite differences that I found very helpful. Knowing these differences has helped me better understand myself, and better respond to my feelings in a healthy way.
Fear is best defined as “a negative, short-lasting, high-alert emotion in response to a perceived threat,” according to Brown. It is the most primal of the three, more of a protective instinct than a mentally experienced emotion like the other two. Fear can both keep us alive during times of real danger, as well as overwhelm us in times of unreal danger.
Worry is best defined as “a chain of negative thoughts about bad things that might happen in the future,” according to Brown. It is often the ambient undercurrent of our decision making and planning mechanisms for the future. “What if’s” and the preventive solutions we prepare ourselves with are the native language of worry.
Anxiety is best defined as “an escalating loss of control, worst-case-scenario thinking and imagery, and total uncertainty,” according to Brown. It is the most debilitating of the three, often causing such internal turmoil that it interferes with normal everyday activities and situations. For example, anxiety can cause obsessive, nearly constant intrusive thoughts about potential harm happening to oneself or a loved one.
One of the best ways we can facilitate better understanding of the differences between these three emotions is to communicate them with more accuracy. For example, someone experiencing typical, non-debilitating worry from day to day should not be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. And, vice-versa, someone with anxiety that makes it hard to be a present parent or a steady coworker should not be dismissed as simply worrying too much. Fear could be destigmatized as a normal brain-based reaction to potential danger, instead of made to be the butt of mean jokes or reduced to being about phobias only.
We all feel afraid sometimes. We all worry. We all occasionally get incredibly anxious. Some of us feel these things in more severe measure or frequency. It’s okay! It’s okay to not be totally okay. Regardless of where you fall on the scale, pay more attention to your own feelings and how you communicate them. And if you need additional support for your feelings, please know that The Willow Center is here for you.
-Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director
