Typically when we consider the idea of “safety”, we think about tools that protect our physical safety such as a seat belt when driving, or a harness and rope when rock climbing. In reality, our brains tell us a story of whether or not we are safe that has much more to do with our internal perception of the environment we find ourselves in and the emotions that accompany that environment.
For example, if you are sitting in a meeting in an all-steel office building on the 9th floor, you may feel relatively safe – steel is pretty sturdy, after all. But what if you then hear thunder clapping, and see outside the office window a tall tornado barreling toward the building? Suddenly this sturdy steel building does not feel safe anymore, especially being on the 9th floor. The environment changed, leading the brain to experience fear.
This type of brain reaction can also happen in social situations that may or may not feel safe to you. Have you ever felt anxious and alone in crowded room before? In social scenarios like this, the brain is seeking to define its perception of safety via trustworthy connection with others. If you don’t have someone to connect with who you know you can trust, you may feel vulnerable, even nervous.
All of us experience versions of this brain reaction that affects our perceived safety; however, about 1 in 5 of us experience the reaction more often and more severely. This is typically due to experiencing something traumatic that causes our brains to be on edge and defensive against experiencing the same trauma again in the future. Whether that trauma is more minor like a stressful day at work or is more severe like an abusive relationship, our brains will seek to avoid danger and pursue perceived safety at all costs, even at inappropriate or unusual times.
Thankfully, there are tools we can use to help our brains calm down and increase perceived safety in-the-moment, regardless of environmental inputs. These 3 tools have to do with reminding your brain that your body is the “container” of your emotions, and your body is inherently safe for you.
1. Self-Hugging – Place your right hand under your left arm, next to your heart. Then place your left hand around your right shoulder, effectively giving yourself a close hug. Sit like this for a moment and breathe normally in and out. Feel your heartbeat begin to slowdown. Feel the muscles in your shoulder and the ribs in your torso, containing the emotions you feel.
2. Bilateral Tapping – Using both hands, lightly tap or slap your skin and muscles from head downward. Tap repeatedly at an even pace, on your neck, both shoulders, both arms, your chest, your sides, your knees, your ankles, etc. This two sided tapping has been proven to help the brain organize its thoughts and slow down emotional processing to a speed at which it feels more manageable and less overwhelming.
3. Head and Belly Breathing – Place your left hand on your forehead and your right hand on your belly. Focus your attention on your breath and how your hand feels when your belly moves up and down with each breath. Imagined the warmth of your hand on your forehead warming your forehead slightly. Slow your breaths down a bit and do this for a few minutes.
The tools may feel a little silly at first, but I encourage you to give it a shot the next time you feel your heart racing and see what happens.
