The holiday season is one of joy, fond nostalgia, great food, and fun family gatherings. For many of us, it can also be a season of difficult emotions, sad memories, and abundant negative triggers for one’s mental health or recovery process. Navigating the next month healthfully can feel like a full-time job!
If you can relate to the latter, one of the best ways you can get through the holidays while actually enjoying them is by setting clear boundaries with those you will be visiting with. Some may know what’s going on in your life, while others may not. And still others may deliberately seek to bother you, depending on the situation.
It’s not safe to assume that every family member and friend you will see this season will automatically know your internal life or your history, or respect past wishes. That’s where boundaries come in handy.
Whether we are conscious of it or not, we set boundaries with ourselves all the time (i.e. “I’m not sitting down to watch a show until the dishes are done,” or “If this murder-mystery novel gets too scary, I’m taking it back to the library.”) Setting boundaries with others, however, can be much more uncomfortable. That being said, boundaries are only helpful to you if you articulate them.
Finding the right words can be tough. Here are five phrases that you can use as a starting place:
- “That doesn’t work for me, but here’s something that does.” This is a great way to not only say no, but also to redirect someone to a healthier alternative for you.
- “Let me think about that and get back to you.” This is a good phrase to use when you genuinely aren’t sure how you’d like to respond – take all the time you need.
- “For my own well-being, I’m choosing to sit this out.” This phrase is a polite but proverbial “nope.” You actually do not have to participate at all if the activity or gathering has a high potential of causing you mental, emotional, or physical harm.
- “I need a break from this conversation for now, I’ll let you know when I’m ready to pick it back up.” Not only does this phrase prevent the current time with the person in front of you from escalating, but also it reserves the choice of whether or not the conversation continues for you to make.
- “I’m not able to take that on right now.” Where are my helpers at? It’s so easy to get voluntold these days. If you truly don’t have the margins to take on new responsibilities right now, it’s okay to say no.
You don’t have to navigate the holiday season alone. If you or someone you know needs help setting health boundaries, please call The Willow Center today – we’re ready to help.
Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director
