First things first, please know that you are not alone! One of my own new year’s resolutions was to exercise more. So far, I am averaging only 3 times per week or so. It’s better than not at all, but frankly I am still beating myself up for not fulfilling my resolutions because I imagined myself working out every single day in my mind. Oftentimes, in the spirit of tradition, we haphazardly set these resolutions without giving thought to whether or not they’re even realistic for our lives. Then, we are sucked into the spiral of self-doubt and negative self-talk when we cannot realize our resolutions.
Perhaps your resolution was to lose weight (whether or not that goal is healthy for you). Perhaps your resolution was to drink less. Perhaps your resolution was to spend more time with your kids. But, life got busy again. You had to eat out more than you thought. You felt stressed out again, and the bottle beckoned. Your kids had practice after school and you barely had enough time to shower before running out to pick them up again. Life happened, and you broke your New Year’s resolution! Now what?
Instead of diving into despair, what if we start with self-grace? To be clear, self-grace is very different than wallowing in self-pity. Self-grace is avoiding negative inner talking, allowing room for growth, and showing compassion toward your being and your efforts. Self-pity, on the other hand, is ignorant of responsibility and does not seek any change at all. Self-grace says, “It’s okay to not be okay.” You are allowed to just survive today – thriving comes with time and practice. Be gracious to yourself as you navigate the many hurtles of being an adult.
After setting a foundation of self-grace, it’s time to consider transitioning from resolution-setting to true goal-setting. There is a major difference! Resolutions are nebulous, conceptual, and often unrealistically lofty. Goals, especially if they are “S.M.A.R.T.” goals, actually set us up for success. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable/Meaningful, Adaptive, Realistic/Relevant, and Time-Bound. Take the vague resolution “I want to drink less”, for example, and apply the SMART model to it. Instead of vagueness, we have a goal that sounds like this: “My goal is to decrease and manage my stress without drinking any alcohol by taking 30-minute meditative walks at least 4 days per week for the next six months.” That’s a goal we can actually find success with!
Finally, once your SMART goals have been set, take the next best step. Take the first 30 minute meditative walk. If that’s too much right now, take the next best step with only a 15 minute meditative walk, until you can work your way up to the full 30 minutes. Something really is better than nothing. You can do this! Meaningful, small increments of change in your life still count as “progress” as you work toward your goals. Remember to be self-gracious!
We aren’t perfect, and we will have setbacks even with healthy self-grace, SMART goals, and taking the next best step. But, as long as we surround ourselves with a community of people who will help us stand back up when we fall down, setbacks are not the end of our journey. Together, we can better ourselves and the world around us.
-Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director at The Willow Center
