Every morning shortly after my 2-year-old daughter wakes my partner and I up (at 6:15am sharp – oof), I take my daughter to the kitchen to begin the day. One of her favorite morning activities in the kitchen is to get the coffee maker ready with me. I hold her up on my hip as she opens the top lid, and we put a new paper filter in. Then, we pour water in the back. And last, my daughter attempts to scoop coffee grounds out of the pouch and dump them into the filter. Typically, she does okay! But about two mornings per week, she dumps grounds all over the place – in the water, across the counter, etc. On those messy mornings, we have to start over.
Starting over often includes some kind of mess to clean up, be it big or small. We start our tax preparations over when the documents and numbers get all mixed up. We start our relationships over when the conflicts get out of hand. We start our careers over when our original plan just doesn’t seem to fit. These mess restarts often come with a sense of frustration.
Starting can also be life-altering. Losing a loved one requires starting life over with new feelings of grief and absence. Being charged with a DUI requires starting life over with corrective supervision and recovery supports. Going back to work after an illness or mental health struggle requires starting over with new self-care strategies and boundaries. These life-altering restarts can feel lonely and destabilizing.
It’s important to realize that starting over is sometimes just a simple every-day thing. We repeat the hair styling routine until we get it just right. We start typing, then backspace, then type, then backspace that touchy email over and over again until the wording feels appropriate. We misplace our wallet and retrace our steps from place to place around the house, starting over each time. These every-day restarts typically go unnoticed, but we’re doing it all the time. We are fully capable of starting over without it wrecking us.
In other words, starting over is totally normal! No matter how frustrating, life-altering, or seemingly miniscule, starting over is something all human beings do regularly, and do successfully. In fact, starting over is one of the healthiest and most helpful shifts we can engage in for ourselves and for those around us.
Consider the alternative. What if we all just said, “screw it!” every time something went wrong? Instead of starting over and trying to do a little bit better this time, what if we just stopped trying altogether? The world would be a much worse place to live.
Whether your new starting place is rock bottom or it’s just the kitchen, let’s start over together. It’s worth it, especially when you have support! If you are not sure where to get the support you need to start over, please consider calling The Willow Center at 317-852-3690. We’ll meet you where you’re at, help you restart in the healthiest way possible – with community.
-Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director
