According to author, activist, and entrepreneur, Bryant McGill: “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”
So often, we listen only to respond, instead of listening to truly hear what someone said and means. This is especially true when we are not in agreement with someone. You’ve probably had an argument like this before with a person you’re close to, letting them finish only to fire back with a pre-contemplated rebuttal without reflecting on what they’ve said.
Active listening, according to most communication experts, includes several key components to master the skill. Often listed are making good eye contact, noticing and using nonverbal cues like open posturing, withholding judgment or unsolicited advice, and asking open-ended questions to clarify understanding.
But, my personal favorite component, is that of “mirroring” what has been said in order to ensure the listener fully understands. Mirroring is simply paraphrasing what has just been said to you back to the deliverer. It can sound like, “So what I hear you saying is…..do I have that right?” This technique not only prevents the listener from getting too into their head thinking about responses too soon, but also helps show the deliverer that the listener respects them totally.
If you need a great real-life example of solid active listening skills, check out some old interviews with Mister Fred Rogers. He was a master of active listening and the interrelated components. At first, you may find yourself feeling a little bit frustrated by how slow Rogers is to respond and how methodically and intently he listens to his interviews. But what you’ll notice shortly thereafter is how every interviewer can help but seem relaxed, often smiling. This is because they feel respected by Mister Rodgers!
When someone feels fully heard, they feel respected. And, they are more likely to return the behavior and show respect back!
You may also experience solid active listening skills when working with a counselor or therapist. These professionals are highly trained to respect you and hear you through the ups and downs of life. If you or someone you know need someone to listen, The Willow Center team is ready and willing with open ears.
-Written by Chase Cotten, Community Director
