Supporting your kid(s) during times like these can be tough. You are not alone!  The Willow Center is here and ready to help.

As a starting place, we encourage parents to check out the resources on this page to learn about how you can be part of the solution when your kid is experiencing difficulties.

Call The Willow Center at (317) 286-3146  or reach out online today.

Recognizing Signs & Symptoms

Kids aren’t always upfront with you about how they’re feeling. The best place to start as a parent/guardian is to gain awareness of what to look for to identify when your child is struggling. Here are some of the signs and symptoms of the most common mental health experiences.

Depression

  • Feeling sad or having a decreased mood for 2+ weeks.
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you once enjoyed.
  • Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting.
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much.
  • Loss of energy or increased fatigue.
  • Feeling worthless, guilty, or undeserving.
  • Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions.
  • Difficulty motivating oneself, especially to complete daily functions (like showering, brushing teeth, cooking, etc.).
  • Isolation from loved ones.
  • Frequent escapism (binge-watching shows, scrolling social media for extended periods of time, etc.).
  • Thoughts of death or suicide.
  • Drinking or substance use.

Anxiety

  • Excessive or persisitent worrying or fear for 2+ weeks.
  • Jitteriness, trembling, sense of unease
  • Panic attacks (racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, overwhelming thoughts that won’t go away).
  • Noticeable “trigger” avoidance.
  • Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting.
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much.
  • Loss of energy or increased fatigue.
  • Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions.
  • Hyperfixation or obsession.
  • Periods of hyperactivity.
  • Social discomfort and avoidance.
  • Mood swings, feelings of helplessness.
  • Gastrointestinal issues.
  • Unreasonable paranoia.
  • Drinking or substance use.

Substance Use (Alcohol, Cannabis/Marijuana, Vaping, Pills, & Other Drugs)

  • New use of a substance for a person who has not used before.
  • Increased amount of substance(s) per sitting, or more frequent use.
  • “Needing” more potent varieties or greater amounts than before to get a similar high.
  • Difficulty denying a hit or stopping once use has started, even despite wanting to stop.
  • Spending excessive time to obtain, use, or recover from using a substance
  • Financial strain related to costs of substance.
  • Experiencing cravings (minor or major).
  • Difficulty fulfilling responsibilities due to getting high or the after-effects.
  • Foregoing activities to get high/low instead.
  • Relational conflict due to getting high/low.
  • Dishonesty with self or others about use.
  • Getting high/low in situations where it is illegal or dangerous to do so (i.e. while driving).
  • Experiencing symptoms of withdrawal (headache, shakes, nausea, insomnia, fever).
  • Increased depression, anxiety, mood swings, psychosis, or personality problems.
  • Persistent/chronic use despite negative consequences (physical, social, financial, etc.).
  • Paraphernalia (needles, spoons, baggies, foil, pipes).
  • Avoidance and isolation.

If you or your child are experiencing any of these symptoms, you are not alone! Help is available and hope is real. It can be tempting to get caught up in the idea of a “diagnosis” — we recommend focusing on the solutions instead. All kids go through difficult experiences, and some experiences require additional support to take the next healthiest step forward.

Having the Hard Talks

As parents/guardians, we’re responsible for being a source of truth, comfort, compassion, and accountability for our kid(s). But, knowing we’re responsible doesn’t make having the “hard talks” any more comfortable for us. When trying to converse with our kid(s) about a difficult topic, it’s essential for us to prioritize creating a sense of safety and connection. Here are some tips for how to do that:

At the Right Time – Right in the middle of a conflict or when emotions are already high is rarely the right time to chat.

  • Respect their boundary if they have communicated they need some alone time to process before talking together. You can even say, “Ok. Let’s reconnect in an hour” so the conversation is not avoided.
  • Make sure physical needs have been met before the conversation happens. After a good meal and a good night’s sleep for both of you is best.
  • Cool down first. It’s normal to feel frustrated or angry when your kid is struggling. Do what you need to do to calm down before engaging them.

Comfortable Environment – If they feel cornered, trapped, or uncomfortable they’re not going to open up to you.

  • Open spaces (living room or kitchen, outside for a walk) are better than closed spaces (their bedroom, the car).
  • Coziness factor – opt for the couches and pillows instead of the hard tables and chairs.
  • Keep it private. Children typically shut down in group settings when others are present who may make them feel shame.

Watch Your Body Language – Research suggests that about 90% of communication is nonverbal.

  • Try Mirroring. If they’re sitting, you sit too. If they’re standing or walking, you stand and walk. If they’re on the floor, get down on the floor with them. Don’t tower over them.
  • Keep your hands and posture open. Folded arms, wagging fingers, or clenched fists do not signal young brains that you’re a safe person to connect with.
  • Look them in the eyes, even if they avoid it. Eye contact communicates trust and connection.

Check Your Tone of Voice – How you say things matters even more than the words you actually choose.

  • Yelling simply does not work. It makes kids feel unsafe and their brains interpret it as a threat. No connection happens when we yell at each other. Don’t swear, accuse, or call names, either.
  • Avoid condescension or sarcasm. Yes, you’ve probably felt similarly to how they feel. But at the end of the day, their experience is still technically different than yours, so it requires a unique and compassionate response.
  • Keep it even-keel. Rapid ups and downs in volume or inflection make you seem unpredictable to a young brain.

Actively Listen Instead of Just Hearing – Let’s be honest, most of us typically hear what a person says only intently enough to formulate what we want to say in response.

  • Give them the chance to actually speak freely. It’s important to put our egos on hold and allow them the time they need to get it all out, even if we feel frustrated or angry.
  • Ask open-ended questions that invite longer responses, instead of yes-or-no questions.
  • Try the 7-second rule: count to 7 (or more!) slowly in your head before responding. Breathe deeply. Then, respond calmly and logically.
  • Think about more than just what your kid is saying, and focus on the “why” behind it. Conversations like this require us to be the adults in the room and consider context, not just content.

Managing a Crisis

When it comes to mental health and substance use, crisis situations that put your kid’s health and life at risk may occur. Here are some things to remember if your kid is in crisis:

Share Your Calm – During times of stress or trauma (severe stress/harm), our brains go into “Fight-Flight-Freeze” state which tells our bodies to prioritize survival and/or avoid pain above all else.

  • Meet them where they are at emotionally, and take it a step down. Offer them physical comfort if they need it, or space if they need it.
  • Keep your voice calm, and verbalize that you are here with them to help.
  • Offer them water. Water actually can help regulate stress hormones.

QPR – If think your child may be considering harming themselves or could be experiencing suicidal thoughts, practice the nationally recognized protocol of “QPR: Question-Persuade-Refer.” Self harm and suicide are never a joke, and are never to be brushed off and unlikely.

  • Question: Ask them directly, “Are you thinking about hurting or killing yourself?” Studies show that asking this question directly and clearly can actually create a connection point by showing deep empathy.
  • Persuade: Encourage your kid to be with you or another trusted adult in-person as soon as possible. Now is not the time for them to be isolated or alone. Isolation is the #1 risk factor for self harm and suicide.
  • Refer: Call together and schedule an appointment with a professional who can help. If their life is in immediate danger, consider calling 9-1-1. You can also consider calling the National Lifeline at 9-8-8 to talk to a trained crisis counselor about what to do next.

Consider Higher Levels of Care – Depending on the severity of the symptoms your child is experiencing, the best next step for them may be inpatient care at a specialized behavioral health hospital.

  • Some crises can be stabilized in as little as 3-7 days.
  • Some crises require additional time in these highly structured and supportive settings, like 30 days or more. Follow the recommendations of your trusted treatment providers.
  • Prioritize a good step-down plan into high-quality outpatient treatment for kids and mental healthcare for longer-term support, such as with The Willow Center.

Write a Safety Plan Together – Whether this is your kid’s first experience with self-harm or suicidal thoughts, or they occur more regularly, consider writing a safety plan together. A high-quality safety plan includes the following:

  • Warning Signs – What are their triggers? How do they normally know a crisis is beginning?
  • Internal Coping Strategies – What can they do by themself to take their mind off these thoughts? What distractions, mindfulness techniques, or self-soothing practices can they easily do in the moment?
  • Social Engagement – How can they ensure they don’t isolate? Who are some safe people they can connect with, even if only as a positive distraction
  • Emergency People – Who are some trusted adults (including you) that they can call when they are feeling in crisis or are experiencing an emergency? This list should include phone numbers and back-up contacts. Put the national lifeline number here too, 9-8-8.
  • Professionals – Do they have a therapist, psychiatrist, case worker, or crisis counselor they already have a relationship with? Put their number on this list.
  • Environmental Safety – How can they make sure their environment is safe, and that lethal means (guns, pills, knives, etc.) have been removed? What else will help them feel safe in their personal spaces?
  • Reasons for Living – Write down several reasons they identify for wanting to continue living, such as friends, family, meaningful activities or parts of their identity, etc.
  • Ensure you and they each have a written copy of this Safety Plan. Ensure any professionals they are working with, or other trusted adults also have a copy of this safety plan.

Finding a Therapist / Counselor

Therapy and counseling works! It’s the most research-supported resource we have to help reduce negative symptoms and increase quality of life. When your child is ready to talk to a professional, here are some things to keep in mind that will help you connect them with a therapist quickly:

Insurance Payor

  • If your family is insured, make sure to have your insurance provider card ready when you call to make an appointment. Most mental healthcare providers will ask for your policy number / member ID number, and will verify your benefits.
  • If your family is uninsured, consider asking those you call whether they accept self-pay clients and what options they have for those who may have a limited income.

Waitlists

  • Depending on where you live, it can sometimes be tough to find openings, and you may hear about waitlists to schedule an initial assessment.
  • The Willow Center does not have any waitlists, and we can typically schedule your kid’s initial assessment within 7 business days or less from the day of your first phone call! Call The Willow Center at (317) 286-3146  or reach out online today.

Demographic Fit

  • Every therapist/counselor is different. Some have different specialty areas or trainings, and some have certain services they are equipped to offer while others do not. When scheduling, be clear about the symptoms your kid is experiencing.
  • Some providers offer particular insights based on certain cultural identities they share, such as religious background, race and ethnicity, nation of origin, native language, gender identity, sexual orientation, veteran status, parental status, and more. Ask your kid who they may feel most comfortable with.

Personality Fit

  • Most counselors are quite versatile in who they work with. But your child may have specific personalities they prefer over another. Don’t be afraid to share about who your child is and what their preferences are when scheduling.

Getting the Support You Need

Supporting your child when they are struggling can take a lot of energy. It’s vital to ensure you get the support you need, too. You are not alone. Consider connecting with any of the following resources for yourself during this season:

  • Therapy/Counseling – Talking to a professional about what you’re going through as a parent/guardian can be a tremendous difference-maker to help you feel supported and empowered.
  • Support Groups – There are numerous parents/guardians who are experience similiar difficult seasons right now. One of the best ways to get through it is to connect with each other and learn together. Some great support groups that are active in Central Indiana include: