I don’t like the way my belly looks in the mirror when I’m getting dressed in the morning. I hate it when I speak too quickly during conflict and say something stupid. I can’t stand the way I keep snoozing through my alarms instead of waking up and exercising like I’m supposed to. It irks me to no end when I make a mistake at work. Can you relate? Maybe some of these statements feel familiar to you. Unfortunately, when dwelled upon or frequented enough, these self-criticisms can turn into vicious self-loathing on the inside. Simple thoughts like this start sounding more dangerous like “I’m never going to be good enough”, or like “I’m just worthless”.
We Americans have a serious problem with loving ourselves. According to Psychology Today, approximately 85% of adults and adolescents experience feelings or thoughts of self-loathing or low self-esteem. Many of us develop this inner critic because of what we experienced in childhood. Whether we were bullied, experienced trauma, or grew up with difficult parents, it’s normal to internalize what we heard others say about us. Some of us develop this inner critic later in life due in part to our comparison-drive culture and patterns of perfectionism. The constant barrage of pretty people’s bathing-suit pics on Instagram and unbelievable job-promotion posts on LinkedIn can weigh on us.
Surely, you’ve heard the Golden Rule in some form or another, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But it seems we often forget the “as yourself” bit. Think about it – if you hate yourself, or even if you just generally dislike yourself most days, can you truly love those around you fully? Or rather, if loving others comes more easily to you, what is preventing you from showing that same love to yourself? You may bristle at this idea, or it could feel like hippie-woo-woo nonsense to some. Most of us struggle with it! How do we even love ourselves? It seems hard! But, loving yourself doesn’t have to be hard. Here are three simple ideas to help you practice more self-love.
- Give yourself some grace when you make a mistake. Most of us are quick to forgive our colleagues, friends, and family members when something goes wrong. However, we rarely extend that same forgiveness to ourselves. It’s okay to mess up sometimes! Give yourself a second chance — you deserve it.
- Practice meaningful self-care activities each week. This is includes eating a well-balanced and nutritional diet, getting a little bit of exercise, and providing yourself with enough sleep. When we neglect these three basics, our minds tend toward negativity. This also includes doing something you enjoy outside of work! Play with your kids, go on a date with your partner, or spend some time in a hobby that provides you with energy and enjoyment.
- Try to talk to yourself more kindly. This one might take the most practice. Start by offering yourself one simple compliment per day when you look in the mirror in the morning. Then, move on to practicing affirmative statements a couple times a day, such as “I am good enough” or “I am worthy of love.”
There are many more ways we can love ourselves better, but these three recommendations are a great starting point. If you truly commit to practicing these, your inner critic will quiet down over time. You may notice that you also start to feel more loving towards others, too!
